Thanks to Jim, we know that we should not:
1. Tug on Superman’s cape.
2. Spit in the wind.
3. Pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger.
I’ll leave the “Don’t mess around with Jim” thing up to your discretion, but I strongly advise against it.
In additions to the gems Jim left us with, I’d like to add just a few. Because I’m nice like that.
1. When you see a large, unidentifiable, shaggy animal atop the fence near your dog’s food bowl, don’t poke it with a stick. Even if your little brother says it’s a good idea. It will hiss at you.
2. If you decide to swing a half-full milk jug over your head whilst clearing the dinner table to your own vocal stylings, make sure the lid is securely fastened to the jug.
3. If your senior class decides to paint an extra-large horseshoe with “Class of ’88” across the road in front of your high school, don’t sign your work. Especially if you are the only kid in your class with your name.
4. Never, and I mean never do the robot in front of your middle school children and their friends. Just kidding. Always do that.
5. Do not insult your sister in any way, shape, or form while she is giving you a haircut.
6. Cleaning your room while singing The William Tell Overture really does help you accomplish the task more quickly. Duh.
7. Nylon sleeping bags make awesome sleds for sliding down staircases. Just make sure you wear your plastic Speed Racer helmet for protection.
8. Do not practice your golf swing in the front yard with real golf balls and a real driver. Especially not when your dad may drive up at any second. PS Your dad will not be mad about the possible damage to cars and windows, but about the huge divits you’ve left in the grass because you are eight and have never played golf in your life.
9. Parents, do not store your golf clubs and an abundance of golf balls in an easily accessible place in the garage. They are irresistible.
10. Krazy Glue has the power to fuse your fingers together. And your mom will notice.
I know it may seem that I’ve covered all the bases of what folks should know to successfully navigate through life, but what would you add? Spill it, people.